Two days ago…

Me: I will call you later. I mean, only if you’re not too busy.

Phil: Hmm… I do have an appointment with my mentor later after dinner. You are gonna call after work right?

Me: Yessir, only if you’re not asleep then.

Phil: Please allow the gent to do you the honour of calling you later. I’ll call you later tonight, ok? Around 12.30 a.m. when you are back home?

Me: Oh okay. I go to bed very early these days, though.

Phil: Then give me a miss call when you are back & changed into your jammies, ok? Easier. I don’t have to guess.

So I gave him a miss call around 12:45 a.m. Waited for him to call back. Felt bad he didn’t call right away. Went to bed. Still waiting. Half-sleeping. Phone rang. 1:05 a.m.

“Talk tomorrow?” I said sleepyheaded. He said okay and sorry. Bye.

 *****

Now I feel dense. We weren’t able to talk last night. Gave him a ring and there was no answer. Got no text from him. No e-mail. No nothing. Yesterday, after some sweet nothings have been passed he left me hanging on GTalk. I’m sure he didn’t mean to. I’m sure he was just up to something. Maybe work consumed him again like it has done him since August. Maybe…just maybe I should stop over-thinking. I hope all is well.

Choosing him over sleep. I wish I had done this when he called that night. I miss talking with him. I miss his voice.

That I’m a sex machine. I have gotten with guys, just not intercourse. Being a virgin is freaky to some. Some acquaintances get shocked when they learn that about me for they think I’m a tease. The forever naughty one. And I plead guilty. My point? I may be a tease or a flirt but at least I’m not an easy lay. I just…don’t want to do it with any guys I’ve met; especially the immature ones and those who only want to get into my pants and get laid.

Believe it or not, I am no longer too curious about sex. I have read enough romance novels, seen enough porn, and heard enough erotic stories to know how great it is. Hell, I am even 100% certain that I will be really good at it. That it’s going to be mind-blowing, yeah.

Truth be told, my curiosity is more on whoI will be doing it with. Just like any hopeless romantics, I am hoping to bump into a real man someday. 

One day.

Spending three days and two nights in Baguio City—just hanging out. Just a simple day together wandering around the tourist spots, eating balut, having the occasional kiss, snuggling and talking, holding hands…the list could go on and on.

On the other hand, the activity doesn’t really matter. We could be cuddling on the hotel bed the entire time for all I care. What’s important is the connection. That’s all I need.

(via savannahisurreal)

This was me on a rainy Saturday afternoon today. Him in my thoughts.

(via juggleonehanded-deactivated2011)

Someone asked me, “What is life?”

To which I countered, “Life is hard. But it’s a beautiful hard.”

Unconvinced, he asked again. “What’s your dream in life, A?”

Dumbstruck. Eyes to the floor, as if the answers to this question were hidden beneath its carpet.

Isn’t this question a variant of “What are your long-term goals?” as asked by my former Korean boss one time to which, without airs, I was able to dodge by chugging a beer and swallowing it before it actually hit my throat. Yet in my mind I was like, “Great question. I’ll get back to you with an answer when I can think of one.”

Or isn’t that great question also synonymous to “What do you want to do in the future?”—this one coming one night from the Indian guy I used to hang out with for a brief time. The future, eh? That is not a subject I want to dwell on. With my back turned to him and my face buried in the pillow I think I had only uttered something about me being a present-day girl. I could tell he was not impressed. I couldn’t care less.

But here, after some time, I was being asked again. “What’s your dream in life, A?” His words ringing through my brain, drilling, grinding. Still does, mind you.

I knew I had to carefully select my words. I knew the answer should be spot-on. After all, the person asking me this was not just some random guy. I was starting to think of him as someone special. I had to impress him. I had to care.

“Excuse my limited knowledge of what life really is, but my dreams in life are—and this may sound like a cliché, but I want to live life to the most of my ability… to create another life along the way…in God’s time, I guess.”

Vague much? It’s the best answer I could come up with. I haven’t found the real answers yet, but I thought at that time that should do. 

“I love your answer,” he said.